I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
