Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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