oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize