I want to make a zoo with you.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
