Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize