do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
