Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
