Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
