hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
