Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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