someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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