mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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