best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
