I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
