Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize