My first STD was from a foam party
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
