You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
