in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
