Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
