Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I don't deserve a penis
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize