we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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