Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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