You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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