I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
