tell your sister to shave her snatch
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize