i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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