and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
