I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
