We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
