9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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