If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
