Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
