If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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