A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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