ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
