Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
