I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
where does the pee come out of this thing
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
FUCK WHALES
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
