Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
