All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
