You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
