I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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