A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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