please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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