You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
