so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
where are you?
Hypothermia
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize