you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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