They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
