Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
