lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
