We named our party play list daddy issues
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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