doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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