Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
