Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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