Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Randomize