According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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