a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
