I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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