I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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