Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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