i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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