I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
