So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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