Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I booty called her while she was in labor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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