i think my tv is drunk
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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