Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
