i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize