Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
