We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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