so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
