My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
