You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
