If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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