im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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