At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
