In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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