ugly people sure do ruin things
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize