Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
