I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
